How To Deal With A Toxic Mother & Not Let Passive-Aggressive Comments Affect You, According To Exper

"Actions speak louder than words," Dr. Dana Dorfman, PhD, a psychotherapist who specializes in parenting issues and co-hosts the podcast “2 Moms on the Couch,” tells Bustle. "There are many nonverbal and behavioral cues that mom gives to indicate how she's feeling." Although "nothing's wrong" might not seem like an inherently passive-aggressive phrase, if her physical cues don't match up, it's probably not harmless. "When a mother behaves in ways that indicate her anger (i.e. withdraws, becomes silent, or sulks) but denies the incongruity between her statement and her behavior, it is passive-aggressive," Dorfman says.

It can be incredibly difficult to try to navigate your mom's emotions when she's not being clear with you, but you don't have to try to figure it out all by yourself. "There's strength in numbers," Dorfman says. "A supportive spouse, partner, friend, or sibling can serve as a useful validator and reality check." If you've filled your ally in on your mom's behaviors, they can give you a simple look of reassurance when she says something harmful.

If one or more of these passive-aggressive statements are things your own mom says, do your best to use strategies like setting healthy boundaries and having people around you to keep them from affecting you too much. If you need extra support, look for a therapist who can guide you through the relationship.

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