Gwyneth Paltrows detox diet like the cabbage soup diet but fancy

Gwyneth Paltrow has sent out yet another hysterically ridiculous GOOP email. In this month’s edition, Gwyneth lectures us on the proper way to detox. Keep in mind this is the same woman who was admitted to the hospital last January after doing a fast. She never commented on the episode, but clearly it hasn’t taught her to be safer with her health. Gwyneth sent out directions for what looks to be a very uncomfortable detox. It’s certainly not Master Cleanse severe, but it doesn’t strike me as anything I’d want to do.

Here are two example menus:

DAY FIVE

7am (or upon rising): Glass of room temperature lemon water
8am: Herbal tea
10am (breakfast): Peach and Almond Smoothie (follow method for Blueberry and Almond Smoothie)
11:30am: Coconut water
1:30pm (lunch): Raw crudite (carrots, green beans, radishes, cucumbers, zucchini) with Carrot and Ginger Dressing
4pm (snack): Beet, Carrot, Apple and Ginger Juice
6pm (dinner): Cucumber and Avocado Soup

DAY SEVEN

7am (or upon rising): Glass of room temperature lemon water
8am: Herbal tea
10am (breakfast): Raspberry and Rice Milk Smoothie (follow method for Blueberry and Almond Smoothie)
11:30am: Coconut water
1:30pm (lunch): Miso Soup with Vegetables
4pm (snack): A handful of almonds
6pm (dinner): Steamed fish, quinoa, roasted squash

[From Goop]

I suppose you could argue that because this is a detox and not a long-term diet plan, this isn’t that severe. Gwyneth includes a week of recipes, and I doubt you could do that much harm if you only did it for seven days – but no longer. But anytime you deprive your body of needed calories – say less than 1,200 a day – you have the potential to mess up your metabolism in the long run. In college I did plenty of stupid diets (hello cabbage soup!) and did one for an entire summer that was under 500 calories a day. Needless to say, I didn’t lose more than three pounds and was a raving bitch the entire time. That really taught me a good lesson: bodies like food. Give it to them, in reasonable, healthy proportions.

If Gwyneth were recommending this as a healthy diet to follow all the time, it could be dangerous. She makes some really stupid remarks about how she’s carrying holiday weight that just make me want to kick her as hard as I can. The woman is a rail, and I have never seen her look like she’s put on even five pounds. There is not a curve on her body. I’m not saying that’s good or bad, but the idea that we’re supposed to believe she’s put on holiday weight is annoying. That must mean 1.5 pounds to her. I find her emails – and her whole GOOP website – incredibly annoying. Gwyneth is not a nutritionist, and she seems to like experimenting with her health. That’s fine for her, but recommending it to anyone else seems dangerous.

At the end of her email, Paltrow gives us a little teaser for next time, noting, “Next week my fitness guru, Tracy Anderson, gives us an exclusive video to get our butt in shape for the new year!” This is the same woman who recommended a less than 800 calorie diet to Us Weekly, along with two hours of exercise a day. Apparently Gwyneth’s resolution for the new year is to make sure all her fans get sick.

Here’s Gwyneth leaving Madonna’s house party in London on December 23rd. Images thanks to WENN.

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